Dad
My grandfather died last Saturday, in the early afternoon. No need to go into details, but suffice it to say, he will be missed. DEARLY.
The funny thing about him was, nobody ever called him "Lolo" or "Gramps" or "Grandpa" or whatever. Everyone called him Dad. His children, his grandchildren, and his great-grandchildren. Dad. And it wasn't the Dad with the longish kinda "a" sound like in "man," it was the short kind "a" sound, like in "father."
He died at 88. I always thought he would reach 100, the way he was strong until the last year or so, the way he was so bullheaded about everything. But, it wasn't meant to be.
It was strange seeing him in the coffin during the wake, he looked so different from the last time I saw him. The last time I saw him was the Saturday the week before. He looked weary, white scruff on his chin, with eyes that had witnessed a lifetime. But ALIVE. And kicking. In the coffin, his face had changed. It was like a mannequin's face, and the color of his skin had changed. The lifted the glass to redo his "makeup," and I took the chance to touch him one last time. I grabbed his lower leg. It was hard as rock. He WAS a mannequin, bereft of the soul that makes us light.
If there's one thing that I regret when it comes to my grandfather, it's the fact that I was never able to write his biography. That was to be the first book I ever wrote. I wanted to relive and record his days as a youth, his days in the US, his days during the war, his days as a lawyer, as a judge, in the 50s, the 60s, and to the 21st century. That project can still be, but unfortunate that I now cannot get the story direct from the source.
I know you're out there, Dad, in the pool of the subconscious. Thank you for living a life worth living.
***
I never said I'd lie in wait forever
If I died, we'd be together
I can't always just forget her
But she could try
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever...
Ever...
Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
If I fall
If I fall (down)
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna...
-"The Ghost of You," My Chemical Romance
The funny thing about him was, nobody ever called him "Lolo" or "Gramps" or "Grandpa" or whatever. Everyone called him Dad. His children, his grandchildren, and his great-grandchildren. Dad. And it wasn't the Dad with the longish kinda "a" sound like in "man," it was the short kind "a" sound, like in "father."
He died at 88. I always thought he would reach 100, the way he was strong until the last year or so, the way he was so bullheaded about everything. But, it wasn't meant to be.
It was strange seeing him in the coffin during the wake, he looked so different from the last time I saw him. The last time I saw him was the Saturday the week before. He looked weary, white scruff on his chin, with eyes that had witnessed a lifetime. But ALIVE. And kicking. In the coffin, his face had changed. It was like a mannequin's face, and the color of his skin had changed. The lifted the glass to redo his "makeup," and I took the chance to touch him one last time. I grabbed his lower leg. It was hard as rock. He WAS a mannequin, bereft of the soul that makes us light.
If there's one thing that I regret when it comes to my grandfather, it's the fact that I was never able to write his biography. That was to be the first book I ever wrote. I wanted to relive and record his days as a youth, his days in the US, his days during the war, his days as a lawyer, as a judge, in the 50s, the 60s, and to the 21st century. That project can still be, but unfortunate that I now cannot get the story direct from the source.
I know you're out there, Dad, in the pool of the subconscious. Thank you for living a life worth living.
***
I never said I'd lie in wait forever
If I died, we'd be together
I can't always just forget her
But she could try
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever...
Ever...
Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
If I fall
If I fall (down)
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna...
-"The Ghost of You," My Chemical Romance
posted by csfilsm at 5:11 AM
4 Comments:
Life, no matter how good, ends with death. We can only be thankful for the memories...
So sorry... hope you're doing just fine...
I'm doing well, thanks for the note, Floi. The funeral was yesterday morning, and it was pretty cool, considering my grandfather was a military man. There were air force peeps carrying the coffin, there was a 21 gun salute, and a flag folding thing that I thought was only in the movies. :)
They say life does end in death, but I tend to think that death is merely the second stage after life. Two sides of the same coin, so to speak...:p
that's so cute.^_^ i've never been to an actual military funeral... i shoulda been there to sympathize with you [and witness all the cool traditions].
glad to hear you're well...
Hey, dude. I just saw this now. Condolences. He sounds like a great man.
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