Martir
Slooooow day at work today. I'm almost internetted out! Almost. hehe.
And Hazel's been emailing. I really still don't understand her. She asked if I wanted to meet up for lunch today (at 1 am. :p For us night shift people, lunch happens around that time. Breakfast is still breakfast. Dinner is still dinner.) but I couldn't cuz there wouldn't be anyone else in the office. I guess what I don't understand is this desire to see me. I mean, yeah, fine, I haven't seen her in more than 3 months, and the first month or so, I was DESPERATE to see her, but that feeling has since faded. And I know that she doesn't want to see me just because of the ps1 I promised to give her for Xmas, because she knows I don't have it with me. Maybe she just really wants to see me? No hidden agendas?
My problem is, am I ready to see her again, and have no hidden agendas myself? Am I ready to see her and expect NOTHING? I'd like to think I am. But there is still that little part of me that is scared cuz what if when I do see her, all the emotions come flooding back and...and...well, I'm sure it's not gonna be a pretty sight. LOL. Should I keep on putting this off until she gets tired of asking to see me and then I DON'T see her ever again?
"Martir" is my favorite song on Sugarfree's "Dramachine." And fitting, as all their songs seem to be malleable enough to fit any situation! But yeah, I don't know if I'm beyond making "pa-martir" when it comes to Hazel. My mind tells me, tries to convince me not to let myself get hurt by her again, but who knows how my heart will react, especially if/when I see her in person.
Jeez, with all the shit happening in the world today, not the least of which is a 52,000 and mounting death toll because of the killer tsunami, I, of course, blog about Hazel and our insignificant little super-babaw post breakup games. LOL.
I said it before and I'll say it again.
I'm an idiot.
A selfish one.
Or maybe just martir.
Patay ang mga ilaw
Walang ibang nandito, kung di ako
Bakit ba kailangang ako ang maiwan
Bakit kailangan mong lumisan
Kailan ka ba
Muling darating
Malapit nanamang magtakipsilim
Tama bang
Umasa't humiling
Marami pa akong dapat sisihin
Ilang ulit ba itong nangyari
Ilang gabi at dilim
Maraming beses nang iniyakan
Maraming beses. Hindi nakayanan
Kailan ka ba
Muling darating
Malapit nanamang magtakipsilim
At kahit na ilang ulit mo akong saktan
Nais lamang ay ang makapiling ka
Kailan ka ba
Muling darating
Malapit nanamang magtakipsilim
At kahit na ilang ulit mo akong saktan
Basta't sa susunod di mo na ako iiwan
Kailan ka ba
Muling darating
Marami na akong tinagong lihim
At kahit na ilang ulit mo pa akong sinaktan
Basta't sa susunod di mo na ako iiwan
-"Martir," Sugarfree
And Hazel's been emailing. I really still don't understand her. She asked if I wanted to meet up for lunch today (at 1 am. :p For us night shift people, lunch happens around that time. Breakfast is still breakfast. Dinner is still dinner.) but I couldn't cuz there wouldn't be anyone else in the office. I guess what I don't understand is this desire to see me. I mean, yeah, fine, I haven't seen her in more than 3 months, and the first month or so, I was DESPERATE to see her, but that feeling has since faded. And I know that she doesn't want to see me just because of the ps1 I promised to give her for Xmas, because she knows I don't have it with me. Maybe she just really wants to see me? No hidden agendas?
My problem is, am I ready to see her again, and have no hidden agendas myself? Am I ready to see her and expect NOTHING? I'd like to think I am. But there is still that little part of me that is scared cuz what if when I do see her, all the emotions come flooding back and...and...well, I'm sure it's not gonna be a pretty sight. LOL. Should I keep on putting this off until she gets tired of asking to see me and then I DON'T see her ever again?
"Martir" is my favorite song on Sugarfree's "Dramachine." And fitting, as all their songs seem to be malleable enough to fit any situation! But yeah, I don't know if I'm beyond making "pa-martir" when it comes to Hazel. My mind tells me, tries to convince me not to let myself get hurt by her again, but who knows how my heart will react, especially if/when I see her in person.
Jeez, with all the shit happening in the world today, not the least of which is a 52,000 and mounting death toll because of the killer tsunami, I, of course, blog about Hazel and our insignificant little super-babaw post breakup games. LOL.
I said it before and I'll say it again.
I'm an idiot.
A selfish one.
Or maybe just martir.
Patay ang mga ilaw
Walang ibang nandito, kung di ako
Bakit ba kailangang ako ang maiwan
Bakit kailangan mong lumisan
Kailan ka ba
Muling darating
Malapit nanamang magtakipsilim
Tama bang
Umasa't humiling
Marami pa akong dapat sisihin
Ilang ulit ba itong nangyari
Ilang gabi at dilim
Maraming beses nang iniyakan
Maraming beses. Hindi nakayanan
Kailan ka ba
Muling darating
Malapit nanamang magtakipsilim
At kahit na ilang ulit mo akong saktan
Nais lamang ay ang makapiling ka
Kailan ka ba
Muling darating
Malapit nanamang magtakipsilim
At kahit na ilang ulit mo akong saktan
Basta't sa susunod di mo na ako iiwan
Kailan ka ba
Muling darating
Marami na akong tinagong lihim
At kahit na ilang ulit mo pa akong sinaktan
Basta't sa susunod di mo na ako iiwan
-"Martir," Sugarfree
posted by csfilsm at 3:51 AM
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