My Mono Ear
Well, well, well. It's been forfuckingever since I wrote on here! Not that I don't have a lot to write about, because I do, and lots has happened in the last couple of months. It's just...I dunno, I guess on the one hand I feel so tamad to write, and on the other, I got this, which inevitably led me here, and here. So there. :p I guess you could say that's been keeping me busy.
I do want to mention this strange thing that happened to me over the weekend, though. I woke up early on Sunday morning, prolly around 7 am or so, for some strange reason, and I was in that half-asleep/half-awake phase (my favorite), when my right ear decided to stuff up. Like how it happens when you fly, or ride an elevator or something. The crappy thing was, my ear then decided NOT to pop, and hearing from that ear was like it would be if you were underwater. Which, of course, led to a strange situation for the REST OF THE DAY where my left ear was normal, but my right ear felt like it was stuffed with cotton. I had to go through the day living like life was in mono, instead of stereo. And it was so frustrating, cuz while it was bearable, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I was not getting optimal quality from my ears. Kinda like the difference between a fake DVD made by some guy with a movie camera in the theater, and the actual DVD. I went through the day with this inconvenience in the back of my mind, but still doing my normal Sunday things, hoping that my ear would arbitrarily unblock itself and I could hear perfectly again. As the day went on, though, it didn't change. I was still hearing mono. Not that I didn't TRY to unblock it, I did the hold your nose and blow air out of your ears thing, I did the chew gum thing, I did the open your mouth and shake your head thing, I did the yawning thing, the drink water thing, the stick your finger in your ear and wiggle it around thing, the put water in your ear and try to shake it out thing but nothing, and I mean NOTHING worked!!!! It was 9 freaking pm and my ear was STILL blocked!!!
So, of course, with the way my mind goes on overdrive sometimes, I started freaking out.
I thought about:
1) What if it's permanent, and my hearing is starting to go? Visions of a near-deaf Beethoven filled my brain, with him lying with his ear to the ground and pounding out notes on a piano with its legs sawed off so he could feel the vibrations of the notes! (I think this is the way he composed the 9th symphony, but anyway...) I've often said that I would rather go blind, than go deaf, as, well, there is too much music to still experience, and the situation had me in a little panic.
2) Having to go to the doctor (I even knew which hospital) to get it checked out. I was thinking about the procedures the doctor would do to unblock it. Would he just stick a really super-thin straw into my ear so that air could flow in and out and unblock it? Or would he have to operate? And if he did have to operate, where would he make the incision? Would he come from the side of my face near the ear? Or would he go from behind my ear, like near my neck area? What if he accidentally damaged my ear and I would then need to go get an ear transplant? What if he accidentally sliced my jugular since it's kinda in the area?????? What if???
3) I thought about the alien angle. There is ALWAYS an alien angle, at least for me. Those who know me know I have this freaky phobia when it comes to those little fuckers. Anyway, I thought, what if, when I was in that half awake/half asleep phase, I was actually abducted?? And the reason my ear was blocked was because they put a little implant in my ear so they could track me for further abductions? What if the whine I could hear from my mono ear (I WAS hearing little whiny sounds, like the ones a TV with only the colorbars on would make) was the little alien implant communicating my thoughts to the mothership??????? What if THEY WERE ON THEIR WAY TO GET ME????? Like, RIGHT NOW?????
Anyway, I slept, finally, at around 1 am, (thank you alcohol) with my ear still blocked. I woke up at around 10 am, blew air out of my ears and my mono ear unblocked. Just. Like. That.
Still, the paranoia never ends....:p
I do want to mention this strange thing that happened to me over the weekend, though. I woke up early on Sunday morning, prolly around 7 am or so, for some strange reason, and I was in that half-asleep/half-awake phase (my favorite), when my right ear decided to stuff up. Like how it happens when you fly, or ride an elevator or something. The crappy thing was, my ear then decided NOT to pop, and hearing from that ear was like it would be if you were underwater. Which, of course, led to a strange situation for the REST OF THE DAY where my left ear was normal, but my right ear felt like it was stuffed with cotton. I had to go through the day living like life was in mono, instead of stereo. And it was so frustrating, cuz while it was bearable, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I was not getting optimal quality from my ears. Kinda like the difference between a fake DVD made by some guy with a movie camera in the theater, and the actual DVD. I went through the day with this inconvenience in the back of my mind, but still doing my normal Sunday things, hoping that my ear would arbitrarily unblock itself and I could hear perfectly again. As the day went on, though, it didn't change. I was still hearing mono. Not that I didn't TRY to unblock it, I did the hold your nose and blow air out of your ears thing, I did the chew gum thing, I did the open your mouth and shake your head thing, I did the yawning thing, the drink water thing, the stick your finger in your ear and wiggle it around thing, the put water in your ear and try to shake it out thing but nothing, and I mean NOTHING worked!!!! It was 9 freaking pm and my ear was STILL blocked!!!
So, of course, with the way my mind goes on overdrive sometimes, I started freaking out.
I thought about:
1) What if it's permanent, and my hearing is starting to go? Visions of a near-deaf Beethoven filled my brain, with him lying with his ear to the ground and pounding out notes on a piano with its legs sawed off so he could feel the vibrations of the notes! (I think this is the way he composed the 9th symphony, but anyway...) I've often said that I would rather go blind, than go deaf, as, well, there is too much music to still experience, and the situation had me in a little panic.
2) Having to go to the doctor (I even knew which hospital) to get it checked out. I was thinking about the procedures the doctor would do to unblock it. Would he just stick a really super-thin straw into my ear so that air could flow in and out and unblock it? Or would he have to operate? And if he did have to operate, where would he make the incision? Would he come from the side of my face near the ear? Or would he go from behind my ear, like near my neck area? What if he accidentally damaged my ear and I would then need to go get an ear transplant? What if he accidentally sliced my jugular since it's kinda in the area?????? What if???
3) I thought about the alien angle. There is ALWAYS an alien angle, at least for me. Those who know me know I have this freaky phobia when it comes to those little fuckers. Anyway, I thought, what if, when I was in that half awake/half asleep phase, I was actually abducted?? And the reason my ear was blocked was because they put a little implant in my ear so they could track me for further abductions? What if the whine I could hear from my mono ear (I WAS hearing little whiny sounds, like the ones a TV with only the colorbars on would make) was the little alien implant communicating my thoughts to the mothership??????? What if THEY WERE ON THEIR WAY TO GET ME????? Like, RIGHT NOW?????
Anyway, I slept, finally, at around 1 am, (thank you alcohol) with my ear still blocked. I woke up at around 10 am, blew air out of my ears and my mono ear unblocked. Just. Like. That.
Still, the paranoia never ends....:p
posted by csfilsm at 3:44 AM
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