Plans

The new Death Cab For Cutie album, Plans, is coming out on the 30th of August, and I CANNOT wait for this. The first song I heard from it was "Soul Meets Body," and unfortunately, my first reaction was...meh. Did not hook me as I thought it would.

But then, but THEN, I heard "Marching Bands of Manhattan," and OMG, I LOVEEEEE it!!!

Sorrow creeps into your heart
through a pinhole
just like a faucet that leaks
and there is comfort in the sound
while we debate half-empty or half-full
it slowly rises
your love is gonna drown

If the rest of the album is as infectious as this little ditty, well then, dare I say it? Album of the year? :)

Edit: For the curious, clicky. :)

Dad

My grandfather died last Saturday, in the early afternoon. No need to go into details, but suffice it to say, he will be missed. DEARLY.

The funny thing about him was, nobody ever called him "Lolo" or "Gramps" or "Grandpa" or whatever. Everyone called him Dad. His children, his grandchildren, and his great-grandchildren. Dad. And it wasn't the Dad with the longish kinda "a" sound like in "man," it was the short kind "a" sound, like in "father."

He died at 88. I always thought he would reach 100, the way he was strong until the last year or so, the way he was so bullheaded about everything. But, it wasn't meant to be.

It was strange seeing him in the coffin during the wake, he looked so different from the last time I saw him. The last time I saw him was the Saturday the week before. He looked weary, white scruff on his chin, with eyes that had witnessed a lifetime. But ALIVE. And kicking. In the coffin, his face had changed. It was like a mannequin's face, and the color of his skin had changed. The lifted the glass to redo his "makeup," and I took the chance to touch him one last time. I grabbed his lower leg. It was hard as rock. He WAS a mannequin, bereft of the soul that makes us light.

If there's one thing that I regret when it comes to my grandfather, it's the fact that I was never able to write his biography. That was to be the first book I ever wrote. I wanted to relive and record his days as a youth, his days in the US, his days during the war, his days as a lawyer, as a judge, in the 50s, the 60s, and to the 21st century. That project can still be, but unfortunate that I now cannot get the story direct from the source.

I know you're out there, Dad, in the pool of the subconscious. Thank you for living a life worth living.

***

I never said I'd lie in wait forever
If I died, we'd be together
I can't always just forget her
But she could try

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever...
Ever...

Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

If I fall
If I fall (down)

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna...

-"The Ghost of You," My Chemical Romance

Crossroads

It's strange...today, prolly right after lunch or so, I felt...happy. Happy like even if there are things going on in my life right now that freak me out, and things going on that I SHOULDN'T be happy about, I felt like I was at peace with the world, and there was nothing I could ever need or want that I didn't already have. It was a moment of contentment, of bliss, I guess.

It's gone now, though, haha, but it's nice to know that feelings like that do take over you from time to time and put a smile on your face.

Life update: I moved in to the new place last Friday, and my brothers and my Dad are now in Vietnam. My Mom flies out on Sunday morning [tomorrow! :(] and at long last, I will be alone in the house. For a few months, at least. My Mom might come back to visit like in November or something and I am definitely looking forward to that because, well hell, I will miss my morning sessions with my mom where we just talk and read the newspaper, etc. Quiet times, but times that can certainly be missed. I miss my brothers already, and every time I hear a song that they used to play a lot around the house (ie. Toby Lightman), I think about them. Funny, I've been reading my high school yearbook again. I feel like I'm back to that point in time where I was away from my family for an extended period of time the first time: going to college.

But I dunno...it's gonna be weird, but I'm sure I'll be able to handle it. It's all about getting used to things, I suppose. I just hope the aloneness of it all doesn't get to me that much. But then, that's what friends are there for, right? :)

Friends, I NEED YOU!!! hehe.

To end, a song from the band that rules all. :)

why can you read me like no one else?
I hide behind these words
but I'm coming out
I wish I kept them behind my tongue
I hide behind these words
but I'm coming out

put your hand between
an aching head and an aching world
we'll make them so jealous
we'll make them hate us
an aching head and an aching world
we'll make them so jealous
we'll make them so jealous

all the ways you make my stomach turn
and all the long drives
with my friends blur
and I wish I kept them inside my mind
I hide behind these words

and think of all the places
where you've been lost
and then found...out
in between my sheets
in between the rights and the wrongs

put your hand between
an aching head and an aching world
we'll make them so jealous
we'll make them hate us
aching head and an aching world
think of all the places
where you've been lost and found...out

-"It's Not A Side Effect Of The Cocaine. I Am Thinking It Must Be Love," Fall Out Boy