I’ll be seeing you in all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces – all day through
In that small café, the park across the way
The children’s carousel, the chestnut trees, the wishing well
I’ll be seeing you in every lovely summer’s day
In everything that’s light and gay
I’ll always think of you that way
I’ll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I’ll be looking at the moon –
But I’ll be seeing you.

Find Me

Well, one last post before my vacation! :)

You know what I like? I like how we're communicating more now, how it seems so much easier, and how it seems like we're kinda getting along again. Of course, I'm not expecting anything to happen between us, like get back together again, but I do like how you're kinda in my life again. It's just...nice, you know? There's no pressure to do anything, and I do feel like the pain is subsiding, and I can be your friend again.

This weekend's gonna ROCK!! Going out with the boys (Sam, Pavan) on Thursday night, then going out with the girls (V, Janice, Cai) on Saturday night. It's funny that it's only now I'm starting to bond with my officemates, but that's always a good thing, right?

Then, there's my new PS2 obsession...GTA:Vice City. The game r0x0rz my s0x0rz!! It is sooooo good!! But I'm currently stuck on this one mission now, must've played it like 20 times and I still haven't gotten through it! I'm thinking it's like a "boss" mission, like lots of cool shit unlocks after I solve it. Hope so!

I'm on my way out. GTA awaits! And so does the beer and redbull and gin...hehe.

You never told me you had 3 days off per week...

Now it got me to thinking about whether or not that would be enough time to spend together if we were still together...

But I don't think I should think about stuff like that anymore.

L8rs!

Ghosts

Had a very interesting weekend, but I'm a bit too tired to go through it all now, so I guess you'll get it in bits and pieces over the next week or so. :p

But I was at Whistlestop again on Saturday morning, having breakfast and a beer with Sam.

My god. So many memories! Of course, the one place that got to me the most was that long couch against the wall where we were all sitting down during Rod's birthday party...where the feelings started happening in the first place. And then the long table closer in where we all hung out, and I kinda knew I had a chance with you when we first drank from the same bottle of beer. :)

Miss those days! But I'm happy that we went through them. Those were some of the best days of my life!

Take care. :)

Leave (Get Out)

Well, it's the 13th and you know what that means. Can't believe if we stayed together, we'd have been together for two years next month! But oh well, what happens happens I guess.

Weird email from you on Monday. Excuse me if I didn't reply right away. I really don't know what to say to you anymore. Yes, yes, I know you lost the feeling, and you wanna be single and stuff, you don't have to keep on reminding me, I get the hint.

What kinda got to me though was how you said you're lonely and stuff...and of course my first instinct was to protect you. Make you happy. Make you feel better. Provide you with some company. Unfortunately, I'm prolly not the one you have in mind for that role anymore. Whatevs.

And what is that about your problem that you don't think is appropriate to tell me about?? Weirdness. I'm getting such a strange vibe from you, like something major is up in your life, has been there even when we were together, but you never wanted to tell me about it.

I just hope everything clears up in your life and you can be happy again.

In other news...I can't wait to get home!!! I can prolly leave in like 5 mins, hit the gin and beer, get a couple of games of Frequency in, get a game of Culdcept in, and maybe even a little Burnout. Hehe. I love it. I'm in gaming heaven. And I haven't even hit the heavyweights like FFX or DMC or MGS2 or anything. Too much game and not enough time to play them in! I could even start with GTA:VC in anticipation for GTA:SA. Hehe. I love speaking in code.

Anyway...one last thing. I was talking to V again today, and I realized that with every day that passes, it's getting easier and easier to let you go. That was inevitable. What makes me sad, though, is that part of me doesn't want to let you go yet.

But eventually, even that part will have to.

And then...what would be left?

Nothing.

It's always sad to see something beautiful die, and not care enough to do anything to prevent it.

There You'll Be

Wow, I haven't posted in a LONG while...a week! But I felt like getting this in right before I went home.

I had an interesting week, and my god, do I have to go through a freaking EARTHQUAKE every month?? It's funny, one of the guys here in the office, when he walks around, you can feel the vibrations on the floor. Now, I don't know if it's because he just stomps, or he's heavy, or the foundation isn't that solid, but it gets me paranoid now, like whenever he walks through, I get the feeling that there may be another earthquake!

Anyway...I realize now that I may have seemed a little needy and stalkerish last Wednesday morning, but I can't help it. The excitement of seeing you got to me, I guess. I texted Jenny right when I got home, and asked her to try to get some answers out of you, re: what role do you want me to play in your life now...but she hasn't texted back. She probably didn't call you like she said she would, but that's okay. She's got her own life to deal with my crap.

And then there's V. V has been a revelation. We've gotten a lot closer this week, closer than we've ever been before, which is strange, considering we've been in the same office for 6 months! What's sad is that V decided to move to another company at the end of the month, and I'm thinking "Why now, now that I've found someone who will listen to all my rants?" Hehe. Thanks V. But anyway, on Wednesday night, we talked A LOT about everything...about her plans to move companies, about how she's missing her bf who's now in the States, and of course, about you and me. It was really nice to have someone to really talk things over with, and of course it was a bonus that she could give me a woman's point of view. She put a lot of things into perspective for me, and I guess I could say I'm okay for the time being.

Then again, who knows how I might feel tomorrow. The hard thing about this breakup thing is that my feelings are so inconsistent from day to day, you know? Some days I feel like I'm fine, and then others..well, you know.

I did remember something today that I hadn't thought about in a long time...you know what I loved about us spending time on the bus everyday before? How I'd kiss your neck, and the back of your neck...and then feel for goosebumps. :) I LOVED that!

I also read an interesting thread on Pinoydvd about whether or not lovers can be friends after a breakup. Interesting viewpoints, but the general consensus was "no." I dunno, I guess I'll just take it a day at a time. Like Jenny said, "Time will tell."

Not much going on this weekend for me. Just me and my PS2. Prolly try to get into Disgaea, and, of course, unlock more crap in SRS. :) You can get these girls in SRS, there are like 18 of them, and you can "hook up" with them, meaning they ride with you and start the races and stuff. The bad thing is, when you lose a race, they freaking leave you!!

Women!! You're all the same!! Real and virtual!!

Can't live without you, though.

Have a good one.

Born To Make You Happy

This is harder than I thought, the "getting over you" part.

Some days, I am fine, like last weekend I thought I was totally fine, and I was totally recovering, and then a day like yesterday hit me, and I realized that there is a huge part of me that misses you so much and still wants to be with you and agonizes because we haven't seen each other in what feels like forever now. A part of me knows that it is time to move on, but another part doesn't want to, cannot, and is desperate to fight to keep everything alive. I am struggling with myself so much right now, and the funny thing is, you're prolly the best person in the world who can help me through it. Ironic, isn't it, that you are both the cause of all of this, and yet I tell myself that you are the one who can help me the best. But then again maybe that's just my heart telling me it needs you there, and wants to get back together with you, despite how hard everything would be.

Some days, I wish we could just forget everything, you know? Forget the past, forget the present, forget the future, forget implications and ramifications, responsibilities, feelings, hidden meanings, and just...be together. Hang out, you know, talk, cuddle, enjoy each other's company with absolutely no strings attached. Yea, that would be so nice. We'd have a grand old time, I feel.

I'm totally feeling Britney Spears' "Born To Make You Happy" right now. Yea, she's a totally trashy ho, but there is just something about that song that reverberates within me.

I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy
cuz your the only one within my heart
I was born to make you happy
always and forever you and me
thats the way our life should be
I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy

I hope everything is going well with you right now. I hope you are happy, and that everything in your world is in harmony.

Some days are better than others, but today, I just miss you so damn much.