Never Say Goodbye

Got the Jojo CD yesterday, and I can't wait to get home and listen to it again!

Certainly went through a very weird feeling yesterday when I called you. Part of me is still pissed/hurt, but I also felt a side that was happy to have experienced a relationship with you. That even if it's all over now, we still did go through it, and while we were there, we were on top of the world. :) Very bittersweet.

Anyway, the song below is my FAVORITE on the Jojo CD. Of course, I still haven't found a love, but it does give me hope.

Never been in love
Cause a girl like me
Never had someone to care for
Never thought there could be
Someone special for me
And now I'm all in love
Cause a girl like me
Waited patiently for someone
Someone to care for me
And there will never be

No more lonely, no more just me
I've been there before
Ain't goin no more
And now that you're here I
Never wanna say goodbye love
Never wanna be without you
No more cryin, no denyin'
I'm in love with you
And now that you're here I
I never wanna say goodbye love

Now it's time for me
To find out what the first time love could mean
Little scared but its cool
Cause it's worth it
Now I finally fell in love
And I know that it
Gots to be for real (So real)
It's the way that I feel
So come share my world with me
So there will never be

So I'm standin here
Arms open wide
Ready to give my heart I'm sure this time
Love's gonna last for life
Baby I know things change
And there might be some rain
But the clouds are gonna clear
And the sun is gonna shine again
Shine light on our love baby
So let's make it last forever

It's Not Rainbows and Butterflies, it's Compromise

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, four years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked.

"I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased; here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?

And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"

He said:" I will give you your answer tomorrow...."

My hopes just sank by listening to his response. I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

"My dear, I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..."

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city; I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die... "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... and as I continue on reading... "Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk... "

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread.... Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness. Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the dullest and boring form... flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life... Love, not words win arguments...

Moving On

Well, I just checked you out on Friendster...and saw your new pictures.

My god, you seriously replaced me with THAT guy?? No comment. But baby, you REALLY could've done much better. I guess it doesn't take much to surpass your minimum beauty levels. AND he's shorter than you?? Well, whatever floats your boat, I guess.

You looked totally hot in that one picture when you were in that black shirt, though...like TOTALLY hot. One of the best pictures I've seen of you. Funny thing is, in that other new picture you put up, you didn't look so good...sorry to say. But I guess it looks like you're happy, and that's what counts, right? But still...my god, you looked SERIOUSLY FUCKING PRETTY in that one pic!

I guess my immediate goal now is to find someone SERIOUSLY FUCKING PRETTIER than you! LOL. But still, I don't like to rush things, I prefer things to take their natural course, like how things developed between us. There's more of a chance that the relationship will develop deeper that way, I feel. No offense, but in my opinion, that's better than going after some shallow crush in the hopes that things get deeper...

So have you had the time to read a little bit of this online journal yet? Haven't heard from you ever since I gave you the url.

Anyway, weekend was okay. I was supposed to go out with Pavan and Sam on Saturday night, but slept really late (like, 4 pm) and wasn't able to make it. I'm gonna make an effort to drag myself out of bed the next time they hang out though...maybe THIS weekend. Then on Sunday I went to Greenhills, got myself a couple more games. Killzone is fun! It's lacking a little bit in the polish department, but still fun. Then, at night Rocky came over, and that was pretty cool. We all had dinner at the Dencio's in the Capitol Club House. Had lots and lots of beer too, so that was all good.

Today at work Pavan asked about you, and I told him what happened, that we'd broken up, and you were with another guy already. And he says "Want to go beat him up?" LOL!! Then again, I'm not the type of person to do that. And judging by the looks of him, it doesn't really seem worth it. Seems like a safe, non-threatening, goody-goody, geeky kinda guy. Which is exactly your type, right?

Then I was able to catch V online and we had a little chat. I told her the news as well, that you were with someone new, and she was in shock. She was surprised at how fast it happened, but we deduced that you were crushing on the guy even when you and me were still together, and then broke up with me so that you could go for him. Which kinda tells me that there WAS a third party involved, even if you kept on denying that there wasn't! Anyway, she tells me to just forget about you, and move on, and honestly, I've been trying to do that. Some days, like this, it's just so hard, though. Then again, I did tell her that there is nothing you can do anymore to hurt me even more, like you hooking up with someone else would be the worst thing I would have to deal with, and well, it's happened now, and I'm dealing. Pretty sure after I get through the thought of you with the other guy, that's gonna be the last of it, besides the little twitch here or there I still get.

Time will heal all, she says, and I do believe it. Then again, she did say that she would set me up with people in Accenture that she feels I would get along with, and when that happens, and things work out, let's just say the healing will happen faster...

But really, I need to find that girl who is SERIOUSLY FUCKING PRETTIER than you, and FAST!!!

Day of Reckoning

Well, I guess I should update this since I'm planning on giving you the url tomorrow. :)

Thanks for the phone call. I must admit that I do miss talking to you/texting you every day so it's nice to feel that we are still somehow connected, even as friends. I'm not expecting anything out of you anymore, though, so don't worry. I'm not planning on doing anything drastic to get you back like talk to your mom, or anything like that, so again, don't worry. I'm just taking life one day at a time, and whatever happens happens, right? I think that's the best philosophy to take.

I do wish you the best of luck with your guy, and I do hope that he treats you to the best of his ability, because that is what you deserve...you deserve the best in life, so constantly strive for that, okay? And be careful, and take care of yourself. Don't do anything that you would be uncomfortable doing, okay? Even if we're not together anymore, I am still very protective of you, like I said on the phone.

And thank you for saying that deep down inside, you feel that I am incomparable, that no one can love you the way I did. That really makes me feel good, makes me feel that when we were together, you felt happy, and felt that I was taking care of you the best I can. :)

I don't know how often I will be updating this...maybe from time to time.

I do hope you enjoy it though!

Take care always.