Undecided

What's that word called, when someone easily changes their mind? I thought it was precocious, but it's not.

Anyway, what do you know, it's the weekend again...LOL. Every frickin weekend I say that...hehe. I'm not sure yet if I'm going gimmick yet, though, cuz the person I wanna go gimmick with is....undecided. LOL. (Grrr, I know there is a perfect word I'm looking for to describe it, it's on the tip of my tongue, I just...can't....argh!) Anyway, we'll see, I guess. It's gonna be one of those "Hey, I just got up, did you finally decide whether or not you wanted to go out tonight" nights, which I hate, since I'm kinda a planner. Then again, my last two sat nights out were "Hey, I just got up..." kinda nights, and I ended up going out, and having fun, so we'll see. Like I said last week, I wouldn't be surprised if I was out on the road at 3 in the am...:p

Speaking of last week, Admitone at Saguijo was KILLER!!! Like, absolute KILLER!! I got there right on time, before the first band even played. Sat right up front beside Kristine against the wall, right near where the bassists stood. The party got rockin' when Cambio played, and then of course I was in heaven by the time Sugarfree came on.

My god, I love that band. They started off with "Insomya," and then took requests from the audience from the rest of their set!!! That was coolness. :) I kept on yelling "Martir," and they played the opening, but stopped! Bitin!!!! They did play "Unang Araw" though, so that was good.

I LOVED it that I'd been listening to Cambio and Sugarfree for weeks before the gig. So when the gig rolled around, I knew all the songs, knew most of the words, and could really appreciate the difference between the studio recordings and live.

I was also able to meet the band, and had a pretty cool conversation with Jal.

Man, can't wait for the next Admitone gig!! Third Sunday of Feb can't get here quickly enough!!!

Tonight?

Dunno yet, it's up to her, and as I mentioned previously, she's undecided...

Then again, I do kinda wanna skip a sat night, so I can do chores on Sunday (like getting my haircut, paying my credit card bills, etc. etc.) and actually get a little rest on the weekends...

Then again, it would be nice to hang out with her...

Then again, I'm always dead on Mondays and it would be nice not to...

Then again...

Then again...

Yeah, I do wanna hang out with her. That would be THE BEST...

Have a good one! :)

EDIT: 2/1/2005 I figured out the word I was thinking about! It's capricious. Hehe. Has a different flavor than undecided, but that's the word I wanted. heh.

Just Cuz...;)

Borrowed from Starshuffler's blog.
These are all ROMANTIC kisses, not the wussy beso ones, or one of those "I did it when I was a little kid" and do not involve any relatives...:p

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Have you kissed someone:

01. On the cheek
02. On the lips
03. On their hands or fingers
04. In my room
05. In their room
06. Of the same sex
07. Of the opposite sex
09. Younger than me
10. Older than me
11. With jet black hair
12. With curly hair
13. With blonde hair & blue eyes
14. With flaming red hair
15. With straight hair
16. Smaller/shorter than me
17. Bigger/taller than me
18. With a lip ring
19. Who I had just met
20. Who was homosexual
21. Who I didn't really want to kiss
22. On a holiday
23. Who was going out with someone close to me
24. Who was my good friend's brother or sister
25. Who had been/is in jail
26. In a graveyard
27. At a show/concert
28. At the beach
29. In a pool, jacuzzi, or some type of water
30. Who was legally too young/old for me to have sex with
31. With dyed hair
32. With a shaved head
33. Who was my good friend
34. Who was/is in a band
35. Who has tattoos
36. Who is of a completely different race then me
37. In the rain
38. In another continent besides where I was born
39. With an accent
40. With an STD
41. On a boat
42. In a car/taxi/bus
43. On a plane
44. At the circus/carnival
45. With a missing body part
46. In the movies
47. At a Club
48. On your street corner
49. In a bush
50. On a bed

Only One

Well, it's almost the weekend again...and as usual, time just flows by and there's NOTHING we can do to stop it.

I want so much to go the Admit One gig at Saguijo tomorrow night (actually tonight) and hang out with Kristine, watch Cambio and Sugarfee, but it's my grandfather's 88th birthday party at my tita's house! I'm thinking of maybe hanging out at the party for a little bit and then see if I can drag some of my cousins to Makati, hehe. We'll see what happens, I guess. Knowing me, though, I wouldn't be surprised if I found myself out on the streets at 3 am again...hehe.

Then again, I am still soooooooo tired!!! Dunno why, I've been sleeping pretty well the entire week, except for today, when I hung out with my bro, watched half of Shrek 2, ordered pizza, had mango iced tea, and stayed up WAY past my bedtime! But it's all good, all the time, as said brother would say. :)

And then he also introduced me to Kaki King, a young female guitar player who plays the guitar like NO ONE I've ever seen before and absolutely blew my mind.

What else? I like the song that follows, but I must say that the girl in it is a MAJOR part of the attraction!! Anyone know who she is? :)

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

"Only One," Yellowcard

What??? It's the weekend AGAIN????

...not that I'm complaining...hehe. But this week did feel like it just sped by. But then that's prolly cuz our CEO was in town, and things just seem to get busier when he's around. Or maybe people were too busy looking like they were busy cuz he was around, LOL, but I doubt it.

So I am glad that the weekend is here...not that I get any rest on the weekend, LOL. Like they say, work hard, play hard.

I'm prolly gonna be in Peligro again, killing a couple hundred thousand brain cells, LOL. I just hope the band is good. The band last week rocked! Freeway Jam! Hendrix and Doors and Cream covers. I even had a chat with the singer afterwards, which was kinda cool. Of course, I forgot half of the conversation, which I usually do when I'm kinda wasted, but no worries, hehe. But it should be cool. I've got beers, redbull vodkas, and jagers with my name on them.

But...

I dunno. Not that it's getting old, but there is still that yearning for something more, you know? Something more meaningful. Something that would have more of an impact. Something, if not life-changing, life-affirming. Sam did say "dude, we might as well go out, might as well make the most out of life," which in a way is life-affirming in the same way the realization that "woohoo, I'm drunk, and I've never felt so alive in my life!!!" is...

But...

Still...

I have the feeling that there is something so much bigger out there. I feel like I'm on the verge of something. I'm not sure what it is, but I have the feeling it's HUGE.

What did Morpheus say in "The Matrix?"

"You're here because you know something. What you know, you can't explain. But you feel it. You've felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there...like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad."

Is it true that the answer is out there? And, as Trinity says, that it will find me?

Hell, I don't even know what I'm looking for! But I feel so strong that it wants to be found, whatever IT may be. And when it shows itself, it will reverberate within the oldest parts of me in rememberance...



Or maybe I just need to get drunk...or laid...or both...LOL.

Have a good weekend all! L8rz!

Circle of Life

First things first: yep, I did meet up with Hazel on Wednesday morning. A bit strange, but it was all good. In the beginning all I could do was stare at her because I could not get over how DIFFERENT she looked. Then again, that's prolly because it's been so long since I'd seen her in person, I don't remember how she looks like anymore. She didn't look fugly, just...tired. Weathered, I guess. Then again, it WAS the end of the day so...

She ate while I had a couple of beers...hehe. And we talked a little bit...basically a continuation of all our phone calls. She got the PS1, I got her phone. Fair deal, I guess.

Anyway, what struck me the most was how just a few months apart can totally change things. When I fell in love with her, she was this sporty type of chick, but her image is totally different now...she looks like a supervisor now, which is apt, I guess, since that's her job. And there WAS that feeling that we were in totally different worlds now, different freaking universes. I couldn't believe that 3 months before, we were each other's worlds.

But life goes on, whether we like it or not. My relationship with her will continue to change. I don't know if we will become closer, stay the same, or drift apart, but I do know that whatever happens, I have to accept it and take it as it comes. I feel a bit foolish for being so nervous now, because really, there was nothing to be nervous about. No feelings came rushing back, neither of us broke down, and we didn't get into a big fight. It was...pleasant. And I guess I do have a sense of closure now, finally knowing and accepting the fact that we can never again have what we used to...but it's OKAY. Because what we did have was special, and beautiful, and precious, and pure, and it has changed our lives forever, and hopefully, for the better.

Hey, Hazel, BFF, k? :)

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In other developments, it's the freaking weekend again, and guess what, I'm back in the grind. LOL.

Peligro. Tomorrow Night. Good Bands (I hope). The chill-out room. Intoxication. And of course, and endless sea of possibilities.

I know I will be able to survive the weekend. But will I be able to survive Monday? LOL.

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I never thought I'd be able to survive in a world without Hazel. (Well, technically, she still IS in my world, but you know what I mean, I hope) But I am surviving. And what's more, I'm happy. That's more than enough to be thankful for.

Have a good one, all! :)

It's A Brand New Day

Woohoo, Happy New Year everyone!

Mine was okay, if a bit quiet. But I did get kinda trashed on red wine, and then a couple of beers when I got back from my tita's house, so I guess it was still a regular new year. :p

The next day I saw the New Year's Special on Magandang Gabi Bayan, you know, the one where they show graphic footage of people with their hands blown off due to stupidity around firecrackers. There was a lot of sick shit on there, people with flesh and bone and strips of skin hanging where their hands used to be, but strangely enough, I watched for almost the entire show. Trainwreck, I suppose. I lost interest when they started showing people who got stabbed by usually their relatives who were drunk. I guess seeing gory remains of hands just desensitizes you to everything else, stab wounds included. LOL.

What else? Oh yeah, I'm seeing Hazel today. For the first time in over 3 months!! Can you believe it? I know in my previous entry I was still debating whether or not I wanted to see her, but I figured I may as well get it out of the way. I mean, yeah, I'm eventually gonna see her again, so I guess it's better that I see her now, when I'm positive she's not with her bf, than some random occurrence that has so much potential for awkwardness. Knowing me, a no-holds-barred kwento is upcoming. I decided, by the way, to just give her the PS1. Sam was right, I prolly wasn't gonna play with it anymore anyway. We'll see if she still talks to me after she gets it, heh.

Aside: We were emailing like last week, and she asked for the address of this blog. Apparently, she lost it from the first time I gave it to her. After a short disclaimer ("Are you sure you wanna see it? There's some not so nice stuff in there about you."), I gave it, and the first thing she said after looking through it was..."Do you really think I'm fugly?" LOL!!!

From my recent conversations with her, I kinda have an idea now what role she wants me to play in her life: best friend. I guess I'm okay with that, and our meet-up today will tell me if I can also play her best friend in person. I just wish she'd stop talking about her bf with me so much, but I guess it comes with the territory.

In other news, my new PS2 obsession is NFSU2. I started the game with a shitty-ass hatchback Corolla, that, even though I bling-blinged it to the max, still looked like crap. So I moved on to my second car, a Nissan Sentra. I was able to upgrade all the performance parts, so at least it's gonna drive well, but hardly touched the appearance aspect. I got a great front bumper with matching side skirts, but ran out of money for the rear bumper, LOL. There's always later.

Can't believe I'm fucking nervous to see her later.

Hope I don't act like an idiot which I usually do when emotions dictate my actions.

Then again, shouldn't the question be "Emotions? What emotions?"

Right?




right?